We the living…

I just don’t get it. “Jane Doe had a long and memorable career in ‘x’ and she will be sadly missed by those whose lives she touched…. As per her wishes there will be no memorial service

I see this over and over again and I don’t understand. Maybe this is because of my personal circumstance. My father passed away at the age of 64 and he “instructed” my mother that there was to be no service or memorial of any kind. My dear mother loved my father and executed his wishes as requested and spent the remaining 25 years of her life as a sad lady who repeatedly commented that she never got to properly mourn the loss of her beloved. Now I know many might suggest that this was of my mother’s making but I would respond by suggesting that it takes a particularly strong and different type of person to say “screw this – I’m doing my own thing” especially during a time when one’s life has been torn apart through such a loss.

My feeling is that this responsibility lies with all of us. What are people concerned about? First of all, you, the deceased are not going to be at this memorial, other than in spirit. No one makes anyone attend these things so only those who wish to gather and remember are present anyway. OK maybe there are limited funds to have such an event but come on folks, there are many places where such an event could be held where there would little to no cost: what about gathering in a park, a coffee shop or even a drinking establishment. After all, the human experience is one of continual growth and enlightenment (or at least I like to think so) and the death of a loved one or of a friend is part of our human experience.

Yes I will remember Jane Doe but it could have been a richer remembrance for all.

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